The Flog – The Fabry Log

I was struggling today with some criticism and decided to sit down and write a few things I really believe. It turned out to be something I want to remind myself often, and here they are for you if you're struggling with something or someone.

This is part biblical truth and part Mr. Rogers. I loved Mr. Rogers, by the way. In my book, he was a prince among men. I miss him.

Here's my thesis I call, Be Yourself.

God has not created anyone on the planet who’s just like you.
Be Yourself.
Don’t get puffed up by praise.
Don’t get discouraged by criticism.
Never require someone else to validate what you do.
Listen to your heart.
Don’t concern yourself with those who are whole or who think they are, speak to those who know they’re broken.
And listen.
The future is determined not by your striving, but by God working.
There is a little piece of you that every day feels a sense of remorse and loss and regret over choices made, things beyond your control, and pain that springs up from some deep pool. It is in that remorse and loss and regret that your greatest strength lies, as well as your greatest hurt. Don’t lose it. Don’t shun it. Walk with it every day. Hold it closely.
And above all, Be Yourself.

Eric Liddell writes in Disciplines of the Christian Life:
“Circumstances may appear to wreck our lives, but God is not helpless among the ruins. Our broken lives are not lost or useless. God’s love is still working. He comes in and takes the calamity and uses it victoriously, working out his wonderful plan of love.”

www.jerryjenkins.blogspot.com

Answer to prayer today. We have a doctor's appointment in Arizona for 2 of our kids who have been struggling with their illnesses related to mold. We’ve been wrangling back and forth with the medical insurance company about coverage and even though they're not going to cover it at this point, we think they will when the test results come back. Even if they don't at least we're moving forward on this and we're hoping it will be the beginning of some better days health-wise for them.

We had some friends hold a benefit concert for us over the weekend, and it looks like the proceeds of that concert will cover the airplane flights to Arizona for Andrea and the two boys. People have been so generous and we have much to be thankful for this year, in the midst of some trying times.

On the home front, we have no news to report other than we're still exploring all of our options. The house sits as we left is on October 4th, like a ghost. And we're hearing so many stories of people in our same situation. I hope we can be a help to others throughout this situation.

Received this from my sister in law and many of you want to see it and read it again.

What Love means to 4-8 year old children . . .

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does love mean?' The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think.

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'
Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'
Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'
Chrissy - age 6

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'
Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'
Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'
Bobby - age 7

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'
Nikka - age 6


'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'
Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'
Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'
Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'
Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'
Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'
Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'
Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'
Lauren - age 4

''You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'
Jessica - age 8

And the final one
The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,
'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

Have you ever gotten really angry? I mean, spitting mad? Most of the time it happens to me when money is involved. I get shortchanged by someone who didn't mean to or my order isn't right at the drive-thru.

Today, a friend of mine, Robert, shares a recent example of this he had with his bank. I believe what's important is not that we get angry, we will. What's important is how we handle that anger. And if we do fly off the handle, we should recognize it as the sin that it is.

I'm hoping to tell a story my kids are still laughing at 10-15 years after it happened. It concerns the Stevenson Expressway, my little Ford Festiva, and a car ahead of me littering.

I hope you can join us--and if you're reading this afterward, find the podcast at chrisfabrylive.org.

Oh, and if you want to read about a fellow handling anger well, don't forget to get a copy of Dogwood.

I just had to relate this because it's one of those things that happen that you forget if you don't write down. We've been out of our house for more than a month now and there's not much new to report. However, last Friday a van pulls up in front of the home we're renting and there's a young boy/cub scout standing there. His mother is smiling from the front seat as he thanks me for my order and supporting the scouts.

I remember ordering popcorn from him (the chocolate covered kind) because he just looked so cute and I couldn't resist. He had a tin about as big as he was in his hands. He handed it over, took a breath, and in a squeaky voice said, "We at Scout Troop (insert #) know your family is having a hard time and we want you to have this as our gift." He gave me back the $20 I had paid.

"Are you sure?" I said, looking at the popcorn and the money.

"Yes, it's what we want to do."

It's so humbling to receive that kind of love, and yet it's so freeing to accept it because the little boy and the scout troop really wanted to give it. I was advised early on that when people want to give, accept it.

I took both the popcorn and money and then talked with him and his mom. When he heard about the deaths of our dogs I thought the poor boy was going to cry right there in the street. He was so saddened by that part of the story.

Just to show you we have some good friends around us who are being so generous. And if you need any chocolate popcorn, let me know. :)

I mentioned a picture of a family on Thursday, 11/13. This is the email I received from Diane about her family and their family picture follows.

Chris,

I was driving home from a counseling appointment today with three of my adopted children while listening to your show. I am usually teaching my teens in the afternoon and don't get to hear your show. I decided it was a God moment that I heard the announcement about adoption on the show for tomorrow and decided to write to you.

I'm sure you have many emails to read, so I will try to be brief. My husband and I have adopted 11 children domestically here in the Cleveland, OH area. Adoption is truly a calling. There are many blessings and we hope and pray that our children will all leave our home ready to love, honor and serve the Lord - that is our goal. I believe that is why they were placed with us. It is challenging for sure and many days are uphill, but, when we see a glimmer of hope, a forward step in the bonding process instead of two steps back, we are encouraged to forge ahead. We have learned to trust in the Lord each and every day.

Some days I feel as if I am floating in the "Sea of Sadness," thinking that I may never get through the difficulties in their lives. But, one day, one of my friends, who struggles with a difficult illness said she was "floating on the ocean of God's
mercy". I decided that I needed to climb out of the sea into the mercy boat! On our own, my husband and I cannot "save" them. That is God's job. We can however, plant many seeds that start them on the right path to Him.

Sincerely,

Diane

We had dinner with friends last night who have been so generous to our family. I showed them the news story about our family and Andrea's description of the events that unfolded with the house. When they saw me in my "bunny suit" that I use to work in every day, they howled louder than their dog, Jaxson when I walk up the street.

They said I did look like a Yhetti and that I should have growled while I was on camera and lifted my arms like I was going to attack.

Steve went into the garage and pulled out two brand new "suits" for me and these even have the footies built in. I'm wearing it now, thinking how great it is to have friends who care and will feed you salmon. Even if they do laugh at you and call you names, it's great to have them.

I'm used to hearing women cry on the phone. My wife. My daughters. But last night, Bill's wife called in tears. I had left a message on her phone telling her that I'd done a program about Bill on Monday and she listened last night, along with her daughter.

The last thing I want to do is invade the privacy of someone still grieving, but she was genuinely moved by the way we talked about her husband and how the callers responded. Even though he's been gone more than a year, and even though his life ended in a way none of us wanted, God is still using him.

God does that. He uses our weakness. He uses the broken places and the broken people. If you feel worthless and unuseable, you're in the perfect place for God to move in and make a difference.

I received an email from a friend who had received an email newsletter from singer Steven Curtis Chapman and a song he wrote called Thomas McBride. I think you'll like it.

Click to hear the Steven Curtis Chapman SONG

Bill loved our family and all of our kids. He was at our house so many times helping with some problem or project.


I met Bill through his son and I believe his wife found out I was thinking about building an office at my house. Bill comes over, we look in the back yard, try to figure out a place to put me where I can have a little privacy. He knows I don’t want to spend a fortune on it. We walk into the garage, he looks at the 13 foot ceiling and says, “Why don’t we put it here? You’ve got a foundation, we can drop the floor down…” He’d built it in his head before I could even grasp the idea. I said, what about the staircase that goes into the house. Oh, I got a guy who can do that.

That was one of Bill’s favorite phrases. When it came time to put in cabinets and a countertop, "I got a guy who can do that."

When our fence blew down and our dogs were running in the street, I called Bill. I got a guy who can do that. And when I got the estimate from the guy, I called Bill. WHAT? I’ll be right over. He shows up fifteen minutes later. “For Pete’s sake he doesn’t need a new fence, just replace that post, use the old stuff there, patch that…” The estimate came down to half the price.

We wanted to landscape the back yard. I got a guy who can do that. We wanted to put in a basketball court and tear out the playground. I got a guy who can do that.

In all the time I knew Bill, I never knew about his alcohol struggle. I wish I’d been as good a friend to him as he was to us.

Bill was fascinated with what I did. I’m a writer and do some radio stuff as well. But he would come into the office, look at the bookshelf, and stare at my computer, as if to say, You really just sit here all day and write?

With equal amazement, I would wander out and watch him and his guys frame up a wall or string the electric wire and wonder how in the world they did what they did. I tried to put on a door handle on our bathroom, and I showed Bill. He gave it that blue-eyed stare, cocking his head. It was on upside down. “You can take that back to Wal-Mart and get the right one, you know.”

I wish I could write the last chapter of Bill’s life on earth. I wish I could change what happened, but I can’t. None of us can.

But I don’t think Bill would mind if I imagined what may have happened the day he shook the sleep from his soul and opened those blue eyes to see the glittering streets, the immaculate construction job. I think his mouth fell open and he thought, “Who did they get to do this?”

And then a cloud fell over his face and someone came up beside him. What’s wrong Bill?

“I don’t belong here. I’ve messed up. I’ve let people down. I’ve hurt them. This is where good people go.”

The man beside him probably inched closer. You’re wrong Bill. This is not where good people go. Look at the bullnose on that railing over there. Look at the precision in the walls. There’s nothing here that’s not perfect, including the people.

And Bill just gave one of those laughs. “Then I don’t have a prayer. I’m nowhere near perfect. For Bill Heinz to be perfect would take a miracle.”

And the man beside him said, I got a guy who can do that.

And when Bill turned, and looked into the face of Jesus, it all came together.

Bill had told me about his meetings with Methodist men. He just glowed when he talked about his son going on a missions trip. There was something inside him that understood we’re not just flesh and bone, but spirit as well.

Bill looked into the face of the man with the scars in his hands.

Bill, you did make mistakes. You made some big ones. But you’re my child because you accepted the gift I offered. When the Father looks at you, he doesn’t see you. He sees me and my perfection.

Bill and I used to joke that we had the best jobs in the world because we never had to get dressed up. We always wore sweats and Carhartt shirts.

Now, Bill is clothed in the righteousness of Christ. He’s forgiven. Restored. And unlike life down here, where the family had to pack up and leave every year or two after a house was finished, he never has to worry about moving again.

Last week a crew from the local NBC affiliate did an interview with Andrea and took video of me in my goofy suit. Here is a link to the printed story from KOAA.CLICK HERE.

There are a couple of small inaccuracies, but overall Nicole did a good job of getting at the essence of ours and the Edmonson's stories. It's a complicated, involved thing, and she captured the danger and the frustration, I think.

Our hope in this is to help people and protect them from going through some of the same stuff we've gone through in the past year and a half. If you need more information about what toxic mold can do, there's a website called www.mold-help.org. That's a great first resource for people with questions.

Finally, the kids howled when they saw me in my protective suit. Thought I was trying to do my abominable snowman impersonation. I guess it helps to laugh, so go ahead.

Jeff is our UPS guy. He drives the big brown truck and delivers all kinds of packages. Since we've been out of our home for more than a month now, I've only seen him around town and waved. Today, I heard the big diesel engine clanking up the driveway as I was coming out of the office.

"I see Andrea over at school," he said. "How are you guys doing?"

I told him what was happening and he, like just about everyone who hears, said he was sorry for us. "At least the kids are getting better, right?"

Yes, it's true, they are getting better, though not as quickly as we would like. Colin and Reagan have had a tough time even after moving out of the house. We're still praying for direction regarding the home and what to do with it, so keep praying on that end. And pray that we'll continue to be able to talk with our friends like Jeff. He's just one of the many people who have touched our lives and enriched it with their smiles and well wishes.
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Here's the email I talked about on the air today. I hope this encourages you.
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Good Morning Chris,
My husband's name is Dan and he’s the one who keeps you informed about the temperature in Alaska sense you mentioned 'except in Alaska' on your show. We look forward to listening to your show together each morning, I think he has more fun listening to you than almost any other part of our day. I wanted to tell you a bit about this extraordinary man. He’s a devout man of God and a strong leader with a sense of humor seemingly like yours.

He is 6'4' and a not so typical... typical Alaskan. He grew up in the south and shows hospitality to whomever he meets. His boyhood dream was to come to Alaska. Why do I tell you this today, well, in this political timeline I wanted to share with you his idea of healthcare reform.

You see My husband is a PA, a physician’s assistant, and he has worked in some of the most remote communities in Alaska, some only accessible by bush planes, then met by snow machines to take him to a small one room cabin to stay for a few weeks to help the sick, and of course plant seeds for the Lord. You can imagine the stories he tells with having such a rich sense of humor.

After the past 20 years of being discouraged by the current healthcare system (and a lot of prayer) the Lord knew Dan’s heart and led us to open our own walk in clinic this year. I can’t even begin to describe how God had such a hand in each aspect of this clinic.

We decided to sell our house and build the clinic (which we built our selves) without going into debt so that we could offer truly affordable healthcare. We charge $65.00 for most visits, and make payment arrangements for those who cannot afford to pay, and have seen many people without charging at all. My Husband does not turn people away. He spends as much time as he can with each patient to make sure they are getting the best care he can possibly give. I joke that he spends too much time. We are open from 2 pm to 9:30 pm as a convenience for working families. Except on Wednesdays and Sundays for church). He makes follow up calls on a daily basis and yes, he even makes house calls.

There are Bibles in our waiting room and if you show an interest we are not afraid to invite you to services and to let you know how God has blessed us. After all that is what we are supposed to do. When its time to go home we forward our phones so that we can be available at any time. If you ask, Dan’s all too happy to joke that at 8:00 in the morning his receptionist answers the phone in her bathrobe, making eggs. You see it is me on the other end of the line, we are even more blessed to be able to work together. Dan amazes me daily with his compassion and dedication to helping each and every person. He truly is a servant trying to make a difference.

I don’t know what’s going to happen with this election or health care in the future, as for us we are implementing God’s brand of health care reform right here. And we give all the glory to Him. If you are ever in Soldotna (Sol-Dot-Na) Alaska make sure to look us up.

I have attached a picture of Dan in front of the clinic so that you can see who’s filling you in on the weather here in Alaska and hopefully it will return the smile that you will give us today.

Thank you,
Mrs. Dan Nyitrai

Just a quick note that my father was able to come home from the hospital Friday night. He was so glad to get out of the hospital and back to his normal routine. He slept from Friday night at 11 until Saturday afternoon--I don't think he slept a lot at the hospital.

They've changed his medication for his heart and believe this will help him greatly. I know your prayers were part of his recovery. Obviously they'll keep close watch on him. Thanks for your kindness and prayers for him.
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