The Flog – The Fabry Log

Last Christmas was the worst any of us can remember. We were trying to figure out how to treat the children for the mold exposure, wondering what the future held for our possessions, suffering through a lot of pain and loss, and in a new city far from friends, family, and anything familiar.

Medical bills were threatening. A mountain of them already. There was no clear direction. The world was one big question mark with a lot of little question marks behind every cactus.

We didn’t have the energy or the money to “do” Christmas. So on Christmas Eve we went to Walmart and told the kids, “Pick out one thing you really want.”

They did.

Then we went back to the house we were renting and while the little kids played with their toys and the older kids stood in a daze, Andrea cried. I think that’s how it happened, I’m not sure. Andrea cried a lot during those days. It wasn’t Christmas Eve at the Emergency Room but it was close.

The next day we woke up and tried to put a new spin on life, but we couldn’t. Sometimes life can’t be spun. Our big outing was dinner. We found a restaurant that was open and everyone agreed to, but then we got lost and couldn’t find it.

We wound up at Denny’s.

Nothing against Denny’s, but it was crowded and there were people eating, leaving, being replaced by other people and our food remained absent. We dosed Colin for his insulin and then he went low so we had to get some orange juice to bring him up and then he went high. The kids got crabby. Our server was on a smoke break, I think. It was just a disaster.

This year is better. Some of the question marks are gone, but most are still there. We’ve actually done shopping and have a little tree. The kids made ornaments out of dough and put them over the fireplace. Friends and family have given generously and we have a few surprises up our sleeves. (Short sleeves because it’s Arizona.)

But I was thinking this morning about another couple with a little baby who had a lot of questions. They were in a small town because they had to be. There was grave danger that caused them to flee south to Egypt to keep their child safe. The road ahead was not going to be easy for them. And Mary had some knowledge but she didn’t understand the whole plan. Their lives could not be spun any more than yours or mine.

I think that’s the way God keeps us on the path. We only know one step at a time. He wants to keep us close to Himself so we don’t stray. In truth, the questions keep us right where we need to be. Dependent. Not relying on ourselves, our strength, intellect, or sufficiency, but on His strength and guidance and mercy. The star pointing the way.

I would rather have Christmas dinner at Denny’s with a million questions about life than have the perfect Christmas with every need satisfied and no questions. God is the author of our question marks.

If you’re struggling this Christmas, and if things have not turned out like you had planned, it’s okay. You’re in good company with most of the people in the Bible. You’re in good company with Joseph and Mary. Pull up a chair and have a warm cup of coffee.

Ask your questions.

They are a gift.